Tuesday, June 9, 2009

First Time I've Missed High School Since High School

Last night I had the opportunity to attend a high school graduation ceremony. It's been some time since I've been to one of these. My own is still a distant memory- I can remember the specifics. I remember the sunset, the fact that many in my class did not realize I am one half a twin until that day, the candy necklace my friends and I donned, and the Abercrombie & Fitch cords I wore. Do I remember what I felt? Most likely elation. No matter where you are in life, it's always nice to feel free from a boundary. Whether you know that boundary is the safest thing you'll ever know or not. But I knew and felt college and the beyond held great things. 

As I watched the teens and noticed their perma-grins, I realized I was feeling nostalgic. I envied them a bit. How wonderful to be at the cross line, looking back to the equally easy and tough years of high school and ahead to the excitement of an entire future. That blind vision of a future can hold so much. But what I didn't realize then was as boundaries disappear, the scarier the future becomes. 4 years of college (4.5 for some) disappear, plans to go to grad school halt, and suddenly you're working. And then what? For some get married and have children I guess- but that's a rather loose timeline. Those years, those boundaries that suffocated freedom of time now look more like safety nets. It's a free fall from here- nobody's telling us where to go or where to be. No more agenda.

As I trudged through the excited grads and proud families to get out back into my reality, I heard a group of teen boys point in my direction and comment, "She's kinda cute."

Ah, maybe we aren't that different after all.

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