Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Jessica Simpson Goes Natural. It'll Only Cost You $400 To Do It Too.

In the May issue of Marie Claire Jessica Simpson "makes a point" by going au natural on the front cover. Amidst an industry focused on airbrushing to the max, it's supposed to be a groundbreaking and refreshing take on real beauty. I actually think she looks way better. But I don't mind heavy photoshop work in magazines either- I like pretty people and things. It's art.

However, the part that makes me chuckle, in the inside cover under "Win Jessica's Cover Look" you win beauty products worth more than $440.

So, you're telling me I can be a "real" beauty for only $440? Think I'll spring for photoshop. Sounds cheaper.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Do Successful People Come From Only Poverty or Prosperity?

I've been traveling for work lately and therefore have had quite a bit of time to think and compare myself to others. Naturally I started to wonder why I'm not more successful. By this age I should be successful, right? Not sure what "success" actually entails, but I'm pretty sure where I am is not getting me any membership offers. Probably need to make at least double the money I'm making now to even be an intern in the success club. And because I like to attack problems from every possible angle, I decided that my success hindering began in a condition I had no control over: middle class.

Doesn't it seem like everyone who is really successful either came from nothing or everything? It's the guy who shared bath water with his six sisters or the girl from Laguna Beach who was born in a Prada onesie that become successful. It's not really the girl who grew up in a pretty comfortable middle-class, normal suburb, did well in school, went to slightly above average colleges but not Ivy League who ends up right exactly where she began...the middle class. She's successful by not becoming a meth addict, grossly overweight, or wearing Arden B way beyond an appropriate age. But she's no Carrie Bradshaw. I did successfully just generalize and whittle it back down to myself...

On to discovering how to beat the middle class ceiling.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Traits of An Irresistible Man. Supposedly.

I was so happy to see MSN's new glo.msn.com featured an article today on the traits of an irresistible man, because I really need help figuring out how to find a man that's irresistible. As of now I find most of the ones I meet entirely resistible. Which is a problem if I want a romantic life.

According to the article...

#1. A Manly Scent. Hmmm. Wouldn't any man have a "manly" scent, being a man and all? Not sure this one will help me.

#2. Ample Displays of Affection. Somewhat agreeable, but with limits. Groping me in public- not irresistible. Showing affection to every woman, not irresistible.

#3. A Sexy Wink. Really? Is there such a thing? If a man winks at me, he's cheesy, not sexy.

#4. Good Grooming. I'm going to say that good grooming is a prerequisite. Not a bonus.

#5. A Calming Vibe. Agreed! I can't believe I'm agreeing with msn.com writers! A cool, calm and collected man is pretty sexy. And if he can stay that way beyond the first date, score.

#6. A Sense of Style. Um. This can go overboard. Too much of his own sense of style and you could be drowning in Ed Hardy tee-shirts and looking at Spencer Pratt.

#7. A Great Sense of Humor. Of course. Again, kinda necessary.

And, that's it. Huh. Not unlocking any major secrets there.

If you need to learn more, read the article here.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Please Stop Making Me Feel Like I Need To Tan

Why is everyone so tan?

Where I live, the sun hasn't been out and strong enough to alter the chemistry of skin (besides having it freeze) in 7 months. But everywhere I go people are not even tan, but Super Tan. Unless there was a group month long trip to Ibiza that I missed out on, I'm guessing this is the result of tanning beds. And I'd like to ask the general public to stop this behavior, as it's making me feel bad about myself.

I am guilty of self-tanner/bronzer use. But I'm starting to feel like I use it because I want to be a part of this totally new self-induced race running around. What are the genetic tendencies of the Fake-N-Bake race? Health Clubs, bars, and Starbucks- all places I frequent! So when I'm working my triceps in desperate attempt to never suffer from under arm wings, I'm forced to look at the fourteen other people in the mirror who glow and glisten with a sparkly bronze. I tend to glow in a translucent white shade. And frankly, it's making me feel a little bad about my appearance. If ya'll could wait until June to be tan (from the natural sun, like the earth intended) I would be extremely grateful. I really don't want to spend $80 a month on something nature could give me, nor up my anti-wrinkle cream usage to fight the side effects. Just because those people on the Jersey Shore are Super Tan doesn't mean they are role models for the rest of us. On that note, the rest of their behavior doesn't seem like anything you'd want to go after either...