Friday, February 22, 2008

I Just Don't Understand These Pick-Up Lines!

I admit that I would be a sad dateless chap if I were a man. Coming up with approaches, pick-up lines and the such that aren't cheesy, annoying or overused would be a horribly difficult thing. Now, I realize that women pick up men as well and we aren't in the 1920's...but I just don't do that. No good at it, never will be, happy most men do the work.

That being said, I still have a very difficult time understanding some of the strategies guys come up with. For instance, once in college I was walking through my favorite bar to check things out, and a man jumped out of nowhere, fondled me, and then told me I had the perfect chest. And he looked at me seriously while doing so! Normally I am quite quick on my feet with comebacks, but this just left me speechless. He then proceeded to the whole pick-up dance, asking my name and stats. Of course I jumped on him and demanded he take me home or lose me forever. Obviously that isn't true, but if that was his true intention-which I believe it was-how in his mind did he think this was the sure way to go about it? Stunning.

Last night I had a happy hour with a few friends (happy Hour in my world lasts until at least 10pm). As the night neared an end, my friend and I did the walk of judgement out of the bar. You know the walk- it's when you leave a single scene bar and everybody checks you out and sizes you up as you leave. Anyway, a guy was sitting at the bar and talking with some girls and guys and reached out and grabbed my arm as I walked by.
"Hi. My name is John." Holding on to my hand, he just smiled at me. His teeth glowed because he was so tan.
"Hi John."
"You're really cute." Staring continues. Huge grin continues.
"Thanks. Bye." And I continued on my way.

Now, part of me thinks this was a good tactic. I mean, the guy saw an opportunity and took it. No bullshit, just straight up telling a girl what he thinks. And he looked really proud of himself. But really, what did he think I was going to do? Sit on his lap and tell him I've been waiting all night for a guy to tell me I'm cute? If I were good at picking people up-which I'm not-I would have stopped the person of interest and said something along the lines of, "I see you're leaving, but I have to admit I find you really cute. Here's my card, maybe we could meet here sometime when you're not leaving?" That might be a successful pick-up.

I'd be interested to hear some other stories...the ugly and the successful. What works? What has been the most ridiculous pick-up experience you've been witness/subject to? And, how do women pick up guys?


Brittany said...

you could avoid it altogether and just say, "I'm sorry, my friends and I only talk to GOOD LOOKING guys"...!

Anonymous said...

How about the line I had pulled on me at my gym last week.

I was on the Stairmaster huffing and puffing my way to a fantastic ass and legs, when I see this guy start to approach me(keep in mind he had already asked me out, been turned down and then proceeded to talk for another 15-20 minutes the week before) when he pulled out the line "you can stop climbing your way to heaven because you already look like an angel" Yes, this really happened, and no it did not work.

Me, I appreciate the more direct approach of the "Hi my name is..." Though that too many times does not work, but they have a much better chance at it anyway.