Monday, February 4, 2008

Who Was That Girl?

As I’ve mentioned, most people I know are married or engaged (another one just today- congrats!). I am also not a particularly outgoing individual when it comes to the dating scene. You would NEVER see me approaching a man and making a move. I’m seriously like a 6th grader. If I see a guy who I find attractive, I can barely even look at him. It’s not that I’m scared to look at him, because I am not shy, but for some reason I am embarrassed to admit that I feel fondness/attraction/likeness to someone. I know. This makes things difficult. It’s hard being me. Sigh.

Last Friday night I had the rare opportunity to go out with a group of single girls. This was a big treat, a new and unexplored civilization normally only to be seen on television shows. Immediately in their presence, I felt different. Somehow being around these fun, outgoing, gorgeous women made me feel fun, outgoing and gorgeous. Their energy became my energy, and soon I was openly looking at guys and oh-my-god, actually smiling. And I wasn’t embarrassed, afraid, or ashamed. The night was fabulous. By the end of the night I wondered to myself, “Who was that girl?”

How amazing to realize the awakening of a hidden identity. Sometimes we forget in our day-to-day roles the suppressed egos we possess. Daily, weekly and monthly I must be a co-worker, a sister, a daughter, and a friend to people with lives that are much unlike mine. I play up those qualities that are recognized by my social circle (for me quirky & sarcastic girl) and hide others. Thus in this routine, I lose parts of me. I adapt, as humans do, for survival, all the while shedding those qualities that don’t seem to be of use in this life I’ve fallen into.

Funny thing is- I do remember who that girl was. She existed ongoing my freshman and sophomore years of college. I used to think maybe I remembered those as the best years of my life because I was in college, partying all the time and free from the confines I felt growing up. But maybe there was more to that. Maybe it was the best years of my life because I was at my best.

I really liked that girl. I think I’ll let her out a little more…

3 comments:

Brittany said...

Oh Nicole - you still ARE that girl, and I'm glad she still comes out once in a while!

Free Fallin'!

Anonymous said...

I'd love to read your version of a blog about romantic comedies and the expectations it sets for us women (which may or may not be effective). The chase, the resistance from the woman and the 'ultimate gesture' from the man to win her. Everything from The Little Mermaid to Maid in Manhattan perpetuates this storyline. This may tie well to your Bachelor post...

Also interesting may be the 'dumb dad' stereotype that's perpetuated in the media from commercials to TV shows. Are women groomed to be unappreciative of men? What kind of effect has this had?

Khalida said...

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