As I’ve mentioned, most people I know are married or engaged (another one just today- congrats!). I am also not a particularly outgoing individual when it comes to the dating scene. You would NEVER see me approaching a man and making a move. I’m seriously like a 6th grader. If I see a guy who I find attractive, I can barely even look at him. It’s not that I’m scared to look at him, because I am not shy, but for some reason I am embarrassed to admit that I feel fondness/attraction/likeness to someone. I know. This makes things difficult. It’s hard being me. Sigh.
Last Friday night I had the rare opportunity to go out with a group of single girls. This was a big treat, a new and unexplored civilization normally only to be seen on television shows. Immediately in their presence, I felt different. Somehow being around these fun, outgoing, gorgeous women made me feel fun, outgoing and gorgeous. Their energy became my energy, and soon I was openly looking at guys and oh-my-god, actually smiling. And I wasn’t embarrassed, afraid, or ashamed. The night was fabulous. By the end of the night I wondered to myself, “Who was that girl?”
How amazing to realize the awakening of a hidden identity. Sometimes we forget in our day-to-day roles the suppressed egos we possess. Daily, weekly and monthly I must be a co-worker, a sister, a daughter, and a friend to people with lives that are much unlike mine. I play up those qualities that are recognized by my social circle (for me quirky & sarcastic girl) and hide others. Thus in this routine, I lose parts of me. I adapt, as humans do, for survival, all the while shedding those qualities that don’t seem to be of use in this life I’ve fallen into.
Funny thing is- I do remember who that girl was. She existed ongoing my freshman and sophomore years of college. I used to think maybe I remembered those as the best years of my life because I was in college, partying all the time and free from the confines I felt growing up. But maybe there was more to that. Maybe it was the best years of my life because I was at my best.
I really liked that girl. I think I’ll let her out a little more…