This is Not An Episode of The Bachelor

I admit enjoying a good episode of The Bachelor once and awhile. Generally it has to be mid-season, as I can’t take the discomfort of watching women who “fall in love” after talking to a man with veneers in .5 seconds. I really can’t take the end episodes where chicks are ready to donate kidneys for a chance at a proposal for a guy they’ve been in a polygamous relationship with for a month. But the episodes where they play dress up and go on dates to Paris and get diamond necklaces- that’s just good fun fantasy. I try and avoid listening to the conversations and just look at the pretty pictures.

Unfortunately, I think this show has had an influence on men. I’m here to tell you: You are NOT on an episode of The Bachelor.

Just today, a friend of mine had an old flame show up at work un-announced. She very skeptically went down to talk to him (in the ultra romantic setting of the lobby), where he threw compliments at her and spoke of missing her and how he needs a great date for the evening and he’ll have his limo come pick her up. Tonight.

I’m sure in his little pinhole of a brain he thought he was being super romantic. Just showing up, offering a grand date to a woman that is supposed to swoon in adoration at the mere chance to escort him for the evening. The fact that she hasn’t talked to him in a year didn’t seem to cross his mind. Or the fact that he’s married. Or his three children waiting at home. Apparently, in this chap’s world, just being Him, in what he imagines is an ultra exceptional existence, is enough.

Um, it’s not. At least not for quality women.

You have loads of money? Good for you! I hope you worked hard for it. You’re chiseled and charming and look like you grew up in a Ralph Lauren add? Congrats, I’m sure it’s easy to get dates. But really dude, stop thinking you’re all that. We are smart enough to know that your embellishments (money, looks, good shoes) are only shiny distracting objects covering up the truth of the matter. We are not all Bachelorettes waiting for the red rose.

So sure, have the limo come pick me up. Then I’ll go and pick up my friends, some champagne, and have a great night. Thanks for the free ride!