Why Can't Breakups Be Like The Movies?

Breakups are bad. Really bad. Unfortunately I am an expert in the field at the moment.  While the circumstances surrounding the breakup were definitely of cinema quality (involving women who are not me and half naked, punches, a house trashed with liquor, lots of sobbing) the end isn't tidy and sweet like any movie I've seen. In fact, I don't understand why if I have to endure movie-like tragedies and heartache I can't have a freaking sappy good ending. Instead I lay listless, dazed & confused, staring at my wall wondering if anything is what I thought it was. If I was put on this earth to be the stomping ground for others. If living alone on an island isn't a bad idea. Or being a total drug addict. Maybe both.

I do look the part of the heartbroken movie character. I stare off into space, I haven't eaten in days and not sure if I ever want to again, and I don't even really want to move. Nothing feels right, everything is off, it's like I'm wandering through a bad bad dream with terrible images. But unlike the movies, there's no funny gay sidekick telling me I'm all that. My friends are probably spraying themselves with bad luck repellent right now in hopes my piles of misfortune don't follow them into their homes. And it isn't a dream- each morning I wake up like Groundhogs Day reminding how much I feel like complete crap. How getting the shit kicked out of me would feel better.

Last, but certainly not least, the ending is nowhere near a cute romantic comedy ending. Movies have us believe everything always works out in the end. The cute leading lady burnt by love has either the man who hurt her or another hot man in her life screaming down the streets, "I love you! I can't live my life without you!" and she knows she is loved and they kiss and everything is as it should be. Carrie forgives Big for being a selfish jerk because he knows he can't love anyone else like her. If they played my story at the movies nobody would ever go to a movie again. Girl gets hurt and is the victim, girl finds out she's not worth fighting for, nobody is claiming life will suck without her. Girl gets handed over gladly to the mass of horny men waiting for fresh pretty meat. The men of my movie are crackin' beers and looking for the next leading lady. I'm Jennifer Aniston in real life. 

Maybe the end of my movie will be good someday. Maybe there will be a leading man who would never hurt me and thinks life is better with me. But I'd like it to happen in the next 20 minutes before I melt into the ground from my own tears. I want a new romantic comedy. One with a happy ending.