Remember when measuring the progress of a relationship was ranked by the "base" system? To tell you the truth, I never knew the rules. 1st base was obviously kissing, 2nd was what? Partial nudity? I have no clue. I really never was one for rules and guidelines anyway.
But once you get to be of a certain age, that whole sexual progression starts to feel pretty ridiculous. Thus, new bases have to be invented. For me, personally, I have an issue with letting people into my home too soon. I've actually been called out recently for being "evasive" because I haven't invited a particular person into my home. Now that is a strong statement: evasive. It suggests such dishonesty! Do you think I'm secretly running a smut shop with illegal immigrants? Or hiding my two husbands and cat ranch? I am perfectly normal, nothing to hide. But just like the junior high girl (for some high school) that holds the reign of sexual advancement, I hold the reign of being in complete control of my space until ready to surrender to you. It really makes total and complete sense once you think about it.
A co-worker of mine, who has a dating life that includes more new suitors in one week than I've had my entire life, astonishes me at how many men she brings back to her home. It actually gives me tiny little panic attacks anytime she mentions it. A first date and you brought him back to your house? A second date and you cooked dinner for him? Are you absolutely insane? The collection of pheromones that have entered your home in the past month is bound to send a system into whack. It may even cause ovarian tumors…too many men scents in one home.
(please note- this coworker is merely a trusting & hospitable woman. She is otherwise a sweet, moral girl, so get your mind out of the gutter)
My home is the one thing that's only mine. I own this space. I own the air and the ambiance and the feeling. Once I let you into this space, you infect (or compliment) the aura with your presence. I lose control over the entire situation. How long will you stay? What if I want you to leave in 20 minutes and you stay for an hour? This is a big deal. I feel extreme comfort in knowing I can leave at any time I want when I'm at your place. Not that I'm going to bolt out the door without warning. Although, I did once leave a future boyfriend's house in the middle of the night without telling him, but come on- I was only 19 at the time- I'm allowed to do that once.
You see, I'm actually just being extremely mature. When I finally let you into my home, you'll know I've let you in- physically and symbolically. I'm no space slut.
Lets go back to your place and you can explain the old base system to me…