Monday, January 28, 2008

Revealing the Great Guy Friend Scam

We hang out. We get drinks on a Sunday afternoon. We talk about sports, men, women and which vodka is the best. We have that no-bullshit type of relationship where I don’t have to worry about hurting your feelings. We can go a few weeks without talking and everything picks up effortlessly where we left off. I don’t have to look particularly gorgeous around you, because you aren’t judging my fashion sense and I don’t have to worry about losing you to the girl with big boobs and permanent eyeliner. This is what makes our relationship a beautiful thing! It’s not a girlfriend, not a boyfriend, not a gay friend, but a guy friend.

Can’t you just leave it alone in its’ natural and perfect state?

Despite my love for this type of camaraderie, I’ve dealt with my share of problems. It seems the system is flawed. As there seems to always be an ultimate ending where “feelings” rear their ugly heads into the mix and cause all kinds of sensitivities that aren’t supposed to happen in this perfect world. I can recall at least four instances where a guy friend has turned on me. He’ll lure me in for years- sometimes up to ten years- with promises of uncompromised dedication to straight up friendship. And then suddenly, in the most unsuspecting moment, he’ll casually hit me with the one of the following:

“You should let me take you on a date sometime. A real date.”
“I want to be more than friends.”
“I’m in love with you.” (an extreme case)

I silently scream inside as I smile nervously with my beer midway to my mouth. Why are you doing this to me? Why do you have to ruin the one perfect relationship I have? You selfish bastard.

I think I speak for most women when I say this: If we are attracted to you and if we've contemplated going out of the friendship zone, you'll know! It's our genetic predisposition to try and lure in as many mates as possible. If we have not done this, than we just want to hang in the pack with you.

Now can we go back to drinking and forget any of this ever happened?

No comments: