Wednesday, June 3, 2009

How To Tell If Your Boyfriend is in a "Bromance"

There are all kinds of trends for dudes these days- metrosexuals, actual waxing of the unibrow, those stupid hats Justin Timberlake and Jake Gyllenhal wear, and now "Bromances." This is when a man and his male friend have a tighter relationship than most romantic relationships, but they are not supposedly sexually attracted to each other. Some bromances I've seen I'd have to concur...

Girlfriends get pissy about bromances. She'll notice her boyfriend will drop anything, even his current Nintendo Wii game, to give his bro a hand. He'll gladly help his bro move apartments for the 18th time, but if she asks him to help her carry a bag up the stairs he looks at her like she's asking for a kidney.  He'll talk on the phone for hours with his bro about virtually nothing, but he'll only send her text messages. He'll get all maniac if his bro is wronged by another bro and they'll strategize revenge like they're plotting a Russian coup- if she tells him about a girlfriend stabbing her in the back he'll roll his eyes and turn the volume on the tv up. It is what it is.

How can you tell if your boyfriend is in a bromance? Once again I defer to the ever knowledgeable for their expert clues on how to tell if your boyfriend is involved in an affair, I mean bromance, with his best male bud (along with my arguments to their findings):

1. He has more nicknames for his best guy friend then you. Do you really want nicknames from your boyfriend? You want to be called "Beefeater"? I think we can agree that this simply does not matter in the least bit. Nickname away bros. 

2. When you suggest a double date, he says, "Great, you go out with Suzy, and Bill and I will catch the game. You're a total pushover if he says this, or, he's completely ignorant and you should dump him anyway. And, who has friends named Suzy?

3. He went to see I Love You Man twice, and cried. There are no crying scenes in this movie- so he's either getting his period or going through a really rough time. 

4. They have at least two identical looking outfits. Get off Us and help your boyfriend buy some clothes! He evidently had to ask his bro who wears ringer tees everyday for fashion advice. Bad girlfriend!

5. During your wedding, his pal pulls you aside and says, "Take good care of him for me,     okay?"  He wants to make sure you still allow him to drink at least three whiskeys a night for the rest of your life. 

6. He spends more time getting ready for his bro night out than for your Friday night date. If he's your boyfriend, he no longer takes you out on Friday night dates. That went out the door after Week 2.

7. They have an anthem that they famously dub "our song." It's called the lyrics to every Will Ferrell movie ever made.

8. They take 10 minutes to tell the "hilarious" story of when they met (again). It probably was hilarious- puking on each other at a college party or dated the same psycho chick or pretending to be lifeguards when they were really only checking out female anatomy.

9. You finally earn enough airline miles to go on an anniversary trip and he says, "Cool, Dave and I can go to Vegas!" Not ever going to happen. He would not tell you about a trip to Vegas until 20 minutes before his flight, or, not at all. He'd lie and say he was going to North Dakota.

10. He answers his buddy's call...while you and he are getting romantic together. He apparently doesn't value getting romantic- dump him.

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