We actually eat cheese with this show. You have to in order to put up with the extreme amount of cheese filling up the billions of colorful pixels. Can’t beat em, join em. But why oh why do we love it so much? Men and women alike? I even love watching this show despite the fact I squirm uncomfortably at the awkward small talk and forced make-out scenes. We all like it because those smart suits over at ABC know what we want to hear. Well, women anyway. They know what men want to see.
Take last night’s episode. To get to the men, lots of Jillian the Bachelorette parading around in short shorts. Lots of making out. Even an oil massage scene on a rose covered bed with slow music softly orchestrating the intimate moment. Lots of Jillian’s legs wrapping around men. At this point the probability of the male gender even listening is slim, rather just admiring the sexy images and off in la-la land thinking how it could potentially turn into a pornographic primetime reality show. Scenes like these have led me to believe Miss Jillian has hopes of being the next character to rock The Young and the Restless. Scenes like this have men wondering why every girl doesn’t wear shorts every day.
And the women, of course, love to hear these men beg for the girl who squeals every 5 seconds (I dare you to play a drinking game taking shots each time that chick screams- you’ll be wasted). She grills them with all the important questions you must ask a man you’ve been gang dating for 2 months. Like, “Would you ever marry me?” And of course these men, as they don’t want to lose, shower her with phrases every woman on earth wants to hear. Things like, “I’ve never met someone as amazing as you.” And “The last date we had was the best night of my life.” Of course it was the best night of your life! You were in Spain in a helicopter where you landed on a mountain where you did some sort of extreme sport and then were whisked away to an amazing dinner with a scantily clad mistress and all the booze you could handle. Oh, and producers telling you you’re the greatest. I bet it was the best night of your life.
So where does it leave us, mere unreality stars stuck in the reality of life love & dating? How can we get in on a little of goodies going around on The Bachelorette? If you’re a girl, just shower men with lots of attention and bare skin. If you’re looking for a man, pretend. Pretend dating is like a rose ceremony. Guessing you’ll be a lot pickier.