Thursday, October 1, 2009

In Case You're Wondering, MSN Solves Breakup Blues By Zodiac

Thank goodness for MSN and their trusty relationship advice! While reading the often disappointing homepage this morning for something to catapult my day into production, I was so very relieved to find out that I can learn how to survive a breakup by my zodiac sign! So, not only can "What's your sign?" be the conduit into a relationship, but your pathway out.

Here are some tidbits of the genius insight they have found:

ARIES: Your pride is hurt, you yell a lot. Basically you freak out. They suggest your friends just let you. Sure they'll stick around for support while you're going bat-shit.

TAURUS: Major trauma for you- you won't handle it well. You're supposed to try and be like an Aries. Don't be yourself and you'll be just fine.

GEMINI: You hate when things aren't "normal"- you're supposed to multitask. They suggest scrapbooking. Good idea, scrapbook all the photos of you and your boyfriend who dumped you. That'll make ya feel good.

CANCER: They suggest "showing your ex that life goes on!"- that's right - revenge! Get really drunk and flaunt yourself at every bar you know he frequents. You won't look stupid at all.

LEO: Proud Leo's need to celebrate with a bottle of wine. Drinking is a fantastic way to forget about the pain for a couple years.

VIRGO: They suggest to be logical- the person was deadweight. Act like nothing happened. Yeah Virgo! Continue to sequester your feelings like you've done your whole life and further alienate yourself from the world.

LIBRA: Apparently Libra's break-up a lot because of indecisiveness, so they suggest to just party and forget about it. Good advice- never making any decision and pushing it under the carpet as "habit" is a fantastic way to move on! How attractive for the next person.

SCORPIO: Apparently Scorpio's turn breakups into massive regrets and beat themselves to a pulp over it. They suggest you "pretend it never happened"- it'll surely be easy to forget your 3 year relationship with meth or something. It'll be like it never happened!

SAGITTARIUS: Apparently you lucky Sag need to actually feel the breakup because you'll be a better person. Be careful though, as they suggest you may become Bipolar.

CAPRICORN: You prefer in life to be part of a relationship- so once your heart is broken, they suggest you go to an event you'd usually go with an ex alone. Perfect. Then you can see your ex with his new girlfriend and you'll feel so much better. And he won't think you're stalking him either.

AQUARIUS: This is the best. You're supposed to "provide yourself a safe place" so no one can see you hysterical. Basically suggesting rehab or a mental institution- you might want to pre-book.

PISCES: You really are the lucky sign, as "your soul knows the truth." You're supposed to "do what you want to do- not what you think you want to do." Sounds super easy. Get a lobotomy, stop thinking, and let your soul lead the way.

If you're interested in reading the full article so you can get even more helpful breakup tips....

No comments: