Sunday, November 8, 2009

Dating Dealbreakers

Recently on NBC's comedy "30 Rock" television show writer Liz Lemon publishes a book revolving around dealbreakers in dating. These are the behaviors that men or women exhibit essentially putting a halt to any continued involvement. A dealbreaker is that final stop sign in what could have led you down an extremely steep and rocky road. You throw up the red octagon and back away from the perpetrator (otherwise known as the man/woman you were seeing). An example in the show:

"If your man disappears and then shows up after 7 months of no contact....That's a dealbreaker ladies!"

Pretty obvious standard. Got me to thinking...what are my personal dealbreakers? I should be able to collect some from, oh, the last 15 years of my life (had my first steady boyfriend for the 4th-7th grade). I'm not going to suggest all of these are necessarily fair for the entire dating public, but as Socrates suggests- know thyself. And I know my dating self pretty darn well by now.

An Incomplete List of Dating Dealbreakers (continually evolving with experience)
1) Threatens to leave me because of my hair (5th grade, true story)
2) Suggests a threesome with one of my friends
3) Wears more jewelry than I, and/or any of it is 18k gold or from a trip to Cancun
4) Spends more hours per day on television, non-work related Internet, or video games than on any other activity
5) Eats like a slob. Can't handle it.
6) My 5 year old niece has greater spelling and sentence structure capabilities
7) Isn't nice to the elderly
8) Suspiciously elevated levels of aggression/jealousy/anger
9) Thinks women have life too easy
10) Text messaging is his primary form of relationship contact
11) Quotes movie lines for the majority of his thoughts
12) Shows zero signs of ever reading a book
13) Uses bathroom humor around me
14) His life plan/goal is to win the lottery
15) Has never loved anyone
16) Doesn't have a car (unless he lives in NYC or Paris, sorry, dealbreaker)
17) Intoxicated more often than sober
18) Absence of common courtesies
19) He does something my mom wouldn't forgive
20) Isn't sure if he has children or not

Wow, that's a really good start!

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